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For the Love of Soccer

Our son was born to play soccer, or so I thought. As a tyke, he was unstoppable. Goal after goal he made, roaring up and down the field like the little engine that could. By the time he was ten years old, competitive soccer was our life. Family dinners consisted of Taco Bell or Subway on a blanket beside the goal posts. Weekends were for tournaments. Weekdays consisted of two hour practices Monday through Friday, the practice field a half hour drive from our home. The wheels on our SUV went round and round all over northern California. And our […]

By Paula October 24, 2013

A Curve in the Road

A week ago, a highway patrolman stepped through our front door with our 16 year old son in tow. I stood there speechless in my pajamas. It was 8:30 at night and my husband was in Florida visiting his dad who is fighting cancer. “I was in an accident,” said our son, standing there in front of me looking shell-shocked and scared. When I put my arms around him, his heart was hammering like a machine gun. “What happened?” I asked. The highway patrolman explained our son was driving too fast, hit a 25 mile an hour curve, and braked […]

By Paula October 19, 2013

God’s Love

Lately, I’ve questioned God’s love. Not the fact that he loves us, but what God’s love really looks like. How it plays out in our lives. And I’ve come to this conclusion: a lot of people are confused about God’s love. God’s love is not some free, fair, all forgiving thing. It’s bold, it’s bloody, and it’s brutal to sin and self, and many folks don’t want to go there. As for all forgiving love, there is something profound God does not forgive: the rejection of his Son, Jesus Christ. If we reject Jesus, we will never experience God’s forgiveness, and […]

By Paula October 10, 2013

Lean into the Pain

I’ve learned something this year. How to lean into the pain. This lesson came when I fell apart and met the wounded woman inside me. That woman I had buried. Deep. So deep I forgot she was there. Doing everything I could to make it all okay. For myself. For others. Because Christians love and forgive. Until a spiritual storm amidst a physical breakdown raised that wounded woman from a pit of wrath. And she roared: Is the church really supposed to be this way? Christian brothers and sisters are breaking my heart. I’m spiritually pissed. I hate that word […]

By Paula October 4, 2013

Family Time

A decade ago we cut our ties with television. This life change came on the heels of an investigation involving our five-year-old son. At kindergarten one day, Luke (now 16) told another five-year-old a tale of being kissed by a teenage babysitter. The other five-year-old’s parent went to the authorities with the information and an investigation ensued. To make a long story short, there was never any teenage babysitter involved, we think our son dreamed up this scenario after watching one too many Friends episodes on television. At the time, we didn’t think Luke was old enough to pay attention to what […]

By Paula September 19, 2013

Plugged In

I’ve been a mommy to a kindergartner every few years since 1996. That was the year our first child began their education. Since then, I’ve shepherded six children through the school gate, pestering them (especially our boys), to put on their sweaters, pressing plastic lunch pails into their little hands, and licking my fingers to slick down wispy hair. The other day, I asked a longtime public school teacher how she thought today’s youngest elementary students were faring. Overall, she said the kindergartners were doing fine, it’s the parents that concerned her. When they come to pick up their children […]

By Paula September 11, 2013

When You’re Weary

I’ve never been one of those people who has it all together. Actually, I’m a person who has come apart. Rode away from my home in an ambulance and spent several days in the hospital recovering this past year. Sometimes people break. It happens. And I’ve realized it’s not the end of the world. It may be the end of yourself, but that could be the beginning of a grace-filled life. These days I’m learning I’m not in control (admitting this is a little scary), but God is in control, and I can rest in that. I can focus on God’s […]

By Paula September 5, 2013